“You can't always see disability from the outside.”
My daughter reminded me of this after I reacted with surprise to her recent diagnosis of autism as an adult.
I had a stereotype in my mind of what autistic people looked like. I’ve been on a great learning journey with her ever since.
“People see my outward accomplishments, but they don't see how much extra effort I'm putting in as a neurodivergent person trying to live in a neurotypical world,” she explained.
This is a feeling I know well. As a Black woman, I’m an expert at code switching and masking—coping mechanisms that people use, consciously or subconsciously, to fit in at school, work, and in social situations when they don’t fit the norms of the dominant group.
Race and gender can be covered to an extent. Women and people of color modify their voices, gestures, dress, and behaviors to avoid racist and misogynist judgements about strength and leadership, emotional stability, and professionalism.
Kenji Yoshino’s book Covering shows how this plays out for people who are gay. When someone can cover so thoroughly that their full self is truly secret, they pay a psychological price. People who are trans or non-binary must experience this at a profound level as well, especially if they have not come out or transitioned.
Not all identities are visible, as my daughter’s story proves. “Depending on where you are on the spectrum, you may have more ability to mask and appear as an allistic, neurotypical person,” my daughter said. “But that doesn't mean that you don't need accommodations or support to function, in a world that's disabling for anybody who doesn't fit the mold.”
Some people have told her that it’s a good thing she was able to cover so well and be high-functioning. But it’s exhausting.
Excessive masking can lead to burnout, further disabling the person. It takes energy to fit in to what others consider the norm.
Why does this matter in professional workspaces? Well, when an employee’s energy is directed into the struggle to fit in, there is less left for the job. The organization doesn’t benefit from everything that employee could be contributing. And they aren’t on a level playing field with peers who don’t need to compensate for bias.
This is more than an interpersonal or training issue. Organizations should address their systems and culture, to ensure that every employee has the tools and understanding to do their best work.
Inclusion doesn’t just benefit the one group you’re thinking of. It's for everybody who doesn't fit in a box—which, in a way, is all of us. Everyone's unique. Treat people that way.
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