The Basics: What’s A Microaggression?

We have been using the word “microaggressions” a lot in recent years—but it’s actually an old term.

It was coined by psychiatrist Dr. Chester Pierce about 50 years ago to differentiate racist physical violence and overt discrimination—just plain “aggression”—from more subtle, everyday slights that members of minority groups faced. Hence, microaggression.

These small or inadvertent behaviors are different from everyday rudeness for three reasons: 

1. They single a person out for a difference based on their personal identity. Even compliments like “Your English is so good” or “Can I touch your hair?” may have an upsetting effect, because they reinforce assumptions and stereotypes about being something other than “the norm.”
   

2. They are ubiquitous. Asian Americans seem to be asked “Where are you from?” much more than white Americans are, for instance, so they may feel constantly reminded that they don’t appear to belong here.
   

3. The person committing them often has no idea they have done anything wrong. Microaggressions are a manifestation of implicit bias. The person didn’t intend to cause harm—but their words or behavior revealed their biases. When called on their comment, the speaker is likely to defend their intent. This makes it very difficult for a person on the receiving end to give feedback, receive an apology, and feel confident the behavior will change.

These three make a frustrating combination. You feel an insult that you know is related to your identity. You’ve heard it numerous times, from various people. And when you say something, people say “You’re being oversensitive! I didn’t mean anything by it! It was a compliment!”

No wonder this phenomenon contributes to chronic stress and serious health problems. 

And at work, it contributes to burnout, disengagement, and turnover. If your colleagues compulsively slight you, even unconsciously, it’s hard to concentrate and do your best work. If they won’t listen to feedback or make changes to accommodate how you feel, why not find an organization where they will? 

Having a sense of belonging is a fundamental part of a healthy organizational culture. Understanding microaggressions—how to avoid them, and more importantly, how to talk about them without getting defensive—is essential to extending that belonging to everyone. 

And if someone tells you you’ve committed one, remember: it’s not about your intentions. You might have intended to compliment someone, but your words clearly had a different impact.

So, listen, apologize, and try to do better. That mindset makes all the difference in the world.

Five Tips For Thanksgiving Conversations

It’s not uncommon to feel some anxiety about attending Thanksgiving get-togethers. The recent election makes this year especially tricky. Will people be there who have different politics than you? Will there be someone who likes to say inappropriate or upsetting things? Here are some tips for making it through the especially heightened atmosphere this week. 

1. Before you go, center yourself. Ground on your values: what matters to you more deeply than any one election or talking point. Recall past positive connections you’ve had with family members or friends. Be prepared to have a good time. If you really are worried, focus on what you’re grateful for.

2. Ask a question instead of making a statement if someone says something that offends you. Something simple like, “What do you mean by that?” This forces them to explain the assumptions they’re making, which can interrupt whatever biases might have been implicit. And even if it doesn’t redirect the speaker much, it will still have an impact on any observers.

3. Don’t laugh at inappropriate jokes. Sometimes we laugh out of nervousness or refrain from commenting so as not to seem oversensitive. But this encourages the behavior. At the very least, try to stay straight-faced. A student in a workshop once suggested saying “I don’t get the joke.” That puts someone on the spot to explain the joke—which they might realize they’d rather not do. 

4. Offer a different opinion. When a group nods along with one person’s strongly asserted point of view, it doesn’t necessarily mean they all agree—they may just want to keep things harmonious. Calmly providing a counter-example from your experience, or a simple statement of your own values, gives others permission to nod along to that perspective instead.

5. Excuse yourself if it's intolerable. You don’t want to be rude, but sometimes our emotions escalate beyond our ability to communicate effectively. It’s okay to leave for a few minutes, and take a walk around the block or call a friend to commiserate. Practicing self-care at these times is important.

The Basics: What Is DEI Anyway?

Who’s afraid of DEI? 

If you are, or if you have stakeholders raising concerns about it, I’m here to de-escalate the situation. 

There are a lot of misconceptions out there about what DEI is and isn’t. Some are fueled by deliberate misinformation. Some by the anxiety of those who fear they will be left out or overlooked. 

At its heart, engaging in DEI in an organization is simply about investing in your people. Employees are an organization’s greatest asset. You want to make sure that they are well equipped to do their best work. Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion are key factors in achieving that goal. 

We start with the D for Diversity, because we want the best talent—and talent is distributed widely. It doesn’t exist in just one race or gender. It comes in all shapes and sizes. When you have a talented team that also brings different life experiences and perspectives, you get a bonus benefit. A wide range of studies have shown that diverse teams come up with more creative and effective solutions to complex problems. 

But the benefits of diversity won’t manifest on their own. Intentional efforts of Inclusion will help people feel welcomed and valued at work. It’s hard to do your best work if you feel you don’t belong—or worse, feel disrespected. Inclusion can start with a great onboarding system and a mentoring program that helps people learn about organizational norms. 

The E is for Equity. This means making sure people have access to what they need to do their work and to grow. Making sure your policies and processes are fair in practice (not just well-intentioned) fits in this category. So does accessibility, which is providing the resources that people need based on their specific needs—from a standing desk to help someone with back pain to a ramp for those with wheelchairs.

These investments may seem like special treatment that benefits only a certain group. But in reality, responding to the specific needs of each member of your team and creating a welcoming environment, in which everyone feels like they can be themselves and thereby do their best work, actually benefits everybody. 

Nothing to be afraid of. All employees benefit when an organization invests in DEI.