Getting Older Is Cool—Everybody Is Doing It

“Getting older is cool—everybody is doing it.” 

That’s what Nora Moreno Cargie said to me earlier this year when I was interviewing her for a LeadBoston program. 

As I celebrated my birthday yesterday (happy birthday to me!) I remembered that quote and cracked up again.

But then I thought about it, and I realized it’s funny because it’s, well, a joke. Aging isn’t cool. At least, it isn’t treated that way in our culture. Women especially seem to drop in status as we get older. 

This phenomenon comes up sometimes in my workshops. Recently I was working with a group of new managers, discussing the behaviors of managers they had experienced over the years. Which would they want to emulate or avoid? 

I was listening to one small group discussion and heard a participant share how frustrating it is when a senior member of a team isn’t willing to use technology. Failure to use it makes more work for everybody else. 

Others at the table piped in with comments implying that age made it harder for them to learn, that they didn’t want to put in the effort, and that they were stuck in their old way of doing things. 

Now, I can certainly understand the frustration. But I wondered if these young managers were making assumptions about why their older colleagues weren’t using the technology. 

Back in the large group discussion, I probed a little. The participant acknowledged it was possible that the senior colleague had had a bad experience with the tech. Even she admitted it didn’t always work well.

I probably recognized that potential bias because it’s one I’ve caught myself experiencing. Not long after the workshop, I was at the grocery store heading for the checkout lane. When I saw an older person in front of me, I thought for a moment, “Uh oh, this lady will be slow, confused about the buttons, and needing a lot of assistance. I’d better switch lines.”  

Then I paused. I was doing it again—jumping to stereotypes I’d picked up and judging someone unfairly. 

When I stopped to look at my fellow shopper, I could see she was moving with agility, quite able to lift the detergent bottles to the belt, and already had her credit card out to tap on the machine. 

Other cultures revere their elders, and the wisdom they have to share from their experience. What is it about our culture that we have so much trouble embracing this idea? Like all biases, ageism makes us miss out on people’s inherent value. Why sideline people who still have more to give? 

I guess this question feels especially resonant today, as I am a year closer to being one of the elders!

HPN's DEI Commitment Isn't Waning

Critics say the field of DEI is ineffective. But we are hearing very different opinions from our clients.

“Objectively, we’ve gotten better because of this work,” says Chuck Wehrwein, COO of Housing Partnership Network, a national collaborative of housing and community development organizations. “Our fundraising is up. Our capital placement is up. We're thriving.”

I asked HPN’s leadership team to share their story as an example for others—and they jumped at the chance. They described a journey that grew organically in order to solve specific organizational challenges:

1. Data. When HPN initially invested in DEI work years ago, their goal was to retain employees and increase the diversity of their team. Gievaughann Brown, Senior Talent & Culture Associate, brought data-driven tools to mitigate bias in every step of the recruitment journey, from job descriptions to candidate sourcing, interviews, and selection. “I've seen from our past data points till now the increase in Black and brown people and people of color that have been hired throughout the organization over the years.”
   

2. Conversations. This increased diversity led to deeper shifts. “As our staff has changed, it influences the conversations that we have about the programs and services that we deliver to our members,” says Robin Hughes, who became HPN’s first Black President & CEO in 2022. At a recent meeting of member organizations, participants bravely shared real-life experiences and stressed the importance of centering racial equity in serving their mission.
   

3. Skill Building. The staff realized they needed support to overcome discomfort and translate the conversations into actionable change. Sherry Burton, Vice President of Talent & Culture, took on this challenge, alongside her colleague Gievaughann. “How do we more formally approach this, outside of just ‘how are we feeling?’” Sherry asked. Fletcher Consulting was honored to provide a year-long learning series to provide tools to the entire organization: clarifying terms, analyzing case studies, and practicing core skills like interrupting bias, sustaining an inclusive culture, and identifying systemic barriers to equity.
   

4. Strategy. Now, DEI is deeply integrated into all aspects of the organization. “We are not just checking off a box,” Robin stresses. “It's not just in Talent and Culture—it's in how we procure vendors, how we engage with members, and how they engage with their residents. It’s in our strategic framework and operational plan, where we've given a lot of priority to housing justice and racial equity.” 

As proud as HPN’s leaders are of the progress and impact of DEI, they are frustrated by the growing backlash in the field. “Our members have experienced waning philanthropic support funding DEI work,” Robin shared. “They also have expressed concerns that those commitments made by corporate America are not being realized.“

But she emphasizes that HPN is an example of why it’s worth persisting. “In terms of our commitment as an organization,” Robin confirms, “I don't see that waning at all. It makes us better as a company. And it's the right thing to do.”

Inclusion Incentives

I’m hoping some of you can help me find real-world examples of best practices. Who out there is incentivizing inclusion?

I’m wondering this because, at the end of my workshop on inclusive leadership, after participants have generated lots of great ideas, I usually ask them, “What’s stopping you from implementing them?”

The participants are typically leaders or middle managers. They’re usually buzzing from discussing case studies about why people thrive (or leave companies) due to the level of inclusion they experience, and eager to retain and develop their high performers.

But when they get to this question, “What’s stopping you?” one answer always comes up:

There’s not enough time. 

They say they want to put time into giving feedback, mentoring and professionally developing the folks on their team. But they can’t seem to prioritize doing so. 

This is the case in all kinds of organizations, but it’s particularly evident in professional services organizations that utilize the billable hour.

I practiced law for a long time and I know that having to account for how you spent your day (in six-minute increments), and knowing that you will be compensated for the time that is billable to a client, focuses you on how best to spend your time. 

People will do what they’re compensated to do, and what they are evaluated on.

At the same time, though, most professions have an apprenticeship aspect. You learn the technical stuff at school, but you learn how to really perform on the job. So if that informal mentoring isn’t happening systematically, there’s a good chance some people are not getting what they need. 

So what incentives work to encourage mentoring or advising younger employees? 

I can imagine requiring senior managers, when they are setting goals at the beginning of the year, to commit to advancing inclusion in the organization. Then, at year-end, they’re asked, “What have you done to mentor, guide, or bring along newer employees?” 

I can imagine a company compensating leaders for the time that they spend mentoring and professionally developing junior employees.

I can imagine these things—but I’m not sure I know of real companies that are doing it successfully. 

The extent to which an organization rewards its leaders and managers for building an inclusive culture signals how important its leaders really feel it is. 

That’s why I always bring the conversation back to the value to the organization. Inclusion isn’t just a “soft” aspect of the workplace—there are hard numbers that hit the bottom line. For example, attrition is very expensive. A new hire isn’t likely to add value until year two. If they quit before then, after you have put in the time to train them, that’s a big cost to the organization. Inclusive practices reduce attrition.

Help me out. Have you seen this done well? What have you learned?