.png){kind=logo}
It’s not uncommon to feel some anxiety about attending Thanksgiving get-togethers. The recent election makes this year especially tricky. Will people be there who have different politics than you? Will there be someone who likes to say inappropriate or upsetting things? Here are some tips for making it through the especially heightened atmosphere this week.
Before you go, center yourself. Ground on your values: what matters to you more deeply than any one election or talking point. Recall past positive connections you’ve had with family members or friends. Be prepared to have a good time. If you really are worried, focus on what you’re grateful for.
Ask a question instead of making a statement if someone says something that offends you. Something simple like, “What do you mean by that?” This forces them to explain the assumptions they’re making, which can interrupt whatever biases might have been implicit. And even if it doesn’t redirect the speaker much, it will still have an impact on any observers.
Don’t laugh at inappropriate jokes. Sometimes we laugh out of nervousness or refrain from commenting so as not to seem oversensitive. But this encourages the behavior. At the very least, try to stay straight-faced. A student in a workshop once suggested saying “I don’t get the joke.” That puts someone on the spot to explain the joke—which they might realize they’d rather not do.
Offer a different opinion. When a group nods along with one person’s strongly asserted point of view, it doesn’t necessarily mean they all agree—they may just want to keep things harmonious. Calmly providing a counter-example from your experience, or a simple statement of your own values, gives others permission to nod along to that perspective instead.
Excuse yourself if it's intolerable. You don’t want to be rude, but sometimes our emotions escalate beyond our ability to communicate effectively. It’s okay to leave for a few minutes, and take a walk around the block or call a friend to commiserate. Practicing self-care at these times is important.
Comments